Friday, July 26, 2013

I Love My Son Enough to Hit Him

I've decided I'm going to start hitting. Not just Zen Son, but everyone. I mean, why not, right? I need people to pay attention to me, dammit!

Next time my dog jumps up on me incessantly when I walk in the door, I'm going to spank her. Oh wait. Crap. I can't do that. I'll go to jail. Damn.

Ok, but next time my husband pisses me off, I'm definitely going to spank him. I mean, just LISTEN, dude! I asked you fifteen times to take out the trash. Maybe you'll remember next time! Shit. Nope. Can't to that either. Pesky laws.

Alright, but when that neighbor kid lets his dog poop in my yard AGAIN, he's definitely getting spanked. Seriously! Wait, what? I can't? You mean to tell me that's regulated, too? This is going too far now.

My 83 year old grandma with dementia - she wanders. When she wanders somewhere potentially dangerous, I'm just going to have to spank her. It'll hurt me more than her, but I love her enough to endure it. She has to be taught a lesson for her own safety. Huh? Are you flippin' kidding me? That's illegal, too? B.S.

Fine, but I'm definitely spanking my son. Who are YOU to tell me what to do with my own kid in my own home? It's just good parenting! Those of you who don't agree are what's wrong with the world today! I love my son enough to hit him!

39 comments:

  1. I absolutely love this. I am so tired of hearing, "if I acted like that my butt would have been beat" from so many adults. It's not that spanking worked, I feel it is that not enough parents know how to be real parents. They are so unattached to their kids, and life in general, due to the overwhelming ability of online socializing and work demands. Stop staring at your phone and be a parent, maybe you'd have to think of hitting less. Great article!

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    1. It's like expecting children to conform to their adult reality, when parents should conform to their children's reality. They bring these children into the world with love, hopefully, and treat them as a burden. Do as I say or else! because I'm not good enough to guide you and therefore, you shall be spanked.

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  2. I personally don't believe in spanking, I believe in alternative disciplinary methods that are gentler. However, I do believe it is each persons decision how they handle their children, every child is different, so what works for my child may not work for yours and vice versa.

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    1. Right. Just like it should be my decision whether or not to hit all these other people in my life. What works for your husband may not work for mine.

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    2. Way to be a bitch and not be able to handle a difference of opinion "Zen Parenting". Oh wow. You don't like how someone else parents, so lets be a bitch to anyone who doesn't conform to YOUR decisions and YOUR style of parenting!!! *Eye roll*

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    3. Ashley and Reinventing Lolli, you might want to look up these words: Parody, sarcasm, and the phrase "tongue in cheeck". That's all.

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    4. I have trouble accepting differences in parenting when it involves hitting or spanking or smacking or whatever sweet spin you choose to put on it. Although, Ashley I think all you would need to come back from the dark side would be a few good smacks.

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  3. NMMB, well said. I am sick of people staring at their phones in general but when they are with a child it is worse. I have had my share of internet/phone addiction but realized it really is just an escape from life. Not a good idea in my book.

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  4. EXACTLY. it's assault when you hit other adults, but "discipline" when you hit kids...

    having said that, i've seen a few, rare occasions when a swat---no more, just a swat---on a challenging toddler's well-diaper-padded bum can get through to him/her when words & physical re-direction weren't. but it's rare, never ideal, & definitely not a form of discipline i'd want to encourage. just mentioning it to illustrate that i know there are times when it can make a certain amount of sense, & that i don't judge that. but out and out spanking? NOPE.

    and husbands, well, only if they're into that...

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    1. There is NEVER a time when hitting (and hitting is hitting is hitting, regardless of what flowery term one wishes to use) is the answer.

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    2. I disagree with spanking as a punishment, although, if the thing the toddler is doing is either violent or will result in them really hurting themselves, i dont disagree with a slap on the hand.. message being sent in a controlled way..'if you touch that it will hurt', 'if you hit someone it will hurt them or won't feel good'. Its when its an outlet of anger for the parent or a bad habit that it is worrying...violent methods are not the way to go across the board but if it is a controlled message to show it hurts...ie my son kept slapping me and biting me so i showed him how it felt and he then undrstood, controlled and calm on the back of his hand. Luckily, i don't have a husband who bites and slaps and if he did he would be old enough to know better...for all other behavioural issues there are non-physical methods, and not every method works for every child. The main thing is that the message is clear and unconfusing, i believe,and meant to teach not to relieve some anger or stress in the parent.

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    3. Call it what you will, Mary, but hitting is hitting is hitting and unless your kids can hit you, you shouldn't be hitting them.

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    4. Actually in this case I agree with Mary I know you're trying to hold up consistency and all but I think you're looking at it the wrong way. Firstly what you're saying "unless your kids can hit you, you shouldn't be hitting them" clearly they can, since that's the whole point, the child bites, scratches, tugs on hair ect, kids do.
      The thing is if you tell the child off or try to explain they may not remember or understand 'hurt' they may have just been experimenting, trying to find out what you'd do or trying to get closer or felt frustrated, w/e, they need to understand to empathize, how can they empathize if they don't understand how it feels, they're young.

      It's not punishment it's understanding especially when it's to prevent pain to the kid, it's like they can't understand language properly, they reach out to touch fire or run out into a road, if you pull then away they'll want to do it more because they're curious, you can't say 'it will hurt' because they don't understand 'hurt' but if you hurt them VERY mildly to show them what could happen, to stop them hurting severely or even killing themselves that's got to be worth it.

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  5. Individual choice is a myth unless you live on an ice floe. I don't want to hit our kids. I also don't want our kids to see other kids get hit. And I don't want our kids to have to handle the problems those hit kids will have.

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  6. Just to put another spin on it; Have you thought about it from an evolutionary perspective? Or, what do other species do to teach their young in the wild? This is really a complex issue, and humans have used different kinds of discipline methods for hundreds of thousands of years. Modern laws that creep into our lives in all sorts of ways are often based on really mixed up ideologies. The Nomadic herdsman or traditional tribes woman would see such modern ideas are unthinkable.

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    1. Only thing other species are missing is the ability to reason. Other than that they have it all figured out. Funny that when children act like "wild animals" we cant handle it but we get to hang on to our neanderthal roots when it helps us figure out what to do with unruly children. Luckily we have reason to help us sort out these complex issues.

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    2. thing is other species are wild, they have to fight to survive, we don't so we may as well be as happy and secure as possible

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  7. Love this post, Zen!!! It makes the point!

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  8. Zen - love it - so clear so right ! There are only two times that I believe we should be able / allowed to hit another person. Self defence or the defence of another. Hitting a child - no matter how 'gentle', no matter WHAT the reason given is abuse. Period. Well done !

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  9. Very great article! I think this coincides with the idea that many parents think that they own their children, so they do what they want, their way. I have a hope that people will start to realize that children are people, not an extension of themselves. And if people do view their children as extensions of themselves, why would you hit something that you see as essentially yourself? Issues, issues, issues...

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  10. Child abuse rate of parents who approve of physical punishment is nearly 4 times greater than parents who do not approve
    67 - 85% of all substantiated physical child abuse cases, reportedly began as an attempt to use corporal punishment.
    More babies under age one die of physical abuse than SIDS
    Study shows 41% cases where child was killed, parental defense is child discipline

    --Moore & Strauss

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  11. A study by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (Heavy Spanking Predicts Overt Child Abuse, Zolotor, 2008), revealed the following results:
    Parents who spanked were 2.7 times more likely to engage in overt abusive behavior than non-spankers.
    Parents who spanked with a belt or paddle or another object as opposed to their hands had triple the odds of becoming abusers.
    For each additional spanking per year, there was a 3% increase in the likelihood of yet stronger punishments being used in the home.
    The report stated, “This is the first study to demonstrate that parents who report spanking children with an object and who frequently spank children are much more likely to report harsh punishment acts consistent with physical abuse.

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    1. In Canada, spanking with an object IS physical abuse. As a social worker I have seen SO many cases of "well meaning parents" who meant well, but who spanked too hard out of frustration and left marks, and were therefore charged and lost access to their children for a period of time. Spanking is NEVER okay. It's laziness on your part, and will teach children that hitting is a way to solve problems. Parenting is not straight forward or easy, and if you can't figure out how to discipline, ask for help! There are lots of places and people who can teach you how to discipline without hurting your child.

      I was spanked, and although I love my mom and she was a great mom, we both recognize that she made a bad call and she regrets it. She would never condone spanking today.

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  12. Thank you for banning me on your Facebook page. Just goes to show your fair and balanced approach you practice running your page....what a joke. Its perfectly ok for one of your "Zen moms" to be out of line and a bitch to me, and i call her "chick" and get banned?!?!? Lmao...please..grow up and take a step off your soap box...you need lessons on how to practice what you preach. In your about section, you tote that you dont put up with people being disrespectful etc...yet...that girl blatantly was disrespectful to me and i refer to her as "chick" and im the one getting banned...way to stay classy..

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    1. I most definitely will, you do the same.

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  13. I can't really agree. Have a look around at the high school youth and you can see how lack of discipline has worked. It is pretty sad. These kids have no respect for anyone, least of all their parents. I am not condoning beating your children, or even spanking them in the traditional sense. A single smack on the bum, not to hard and definitely not in anger, is effective discipline when other less extreme methods fail.

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    1. Matt, i agree with you 110%....however i must warn you...your opinion isnt welcome here. See, i am of the same belief pretty much, and needless to say, these people that manage this blog and Facebook page are biased and dont wanna hear anything other then what they believe...this is how screwed up the person that runs this is...they believe in abortion (pro choice), yet dont wanna spank a child cuz theyre afraid of harming the kid mentally etc
      etc...yet....she can kill a kid by having an abortion and has no real issue with that but for the life of her, wont spank her child and is against any and all aggression...but can abort a fetus with no problem..lmao!! I was involved in a discussion on her Facebook page and she banned me because one of her "zen moms" was acting outta line and being disrespectful to me..so i replied back to said zen mom and referred to her as "chick" and i get banned..lol...shes a joke, her page is a joke, and shes also a hypocrite. Tread lightly, Matt! Hahaha

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    2. Here are three articles that prove you wrong. They are directly quoting Pediatrics journal articles as well as The American Academy of Pediatrics. These are just a few of the MANY articles that explain these things. As a social worker who worked in child protection, I can tell you that most experts agree. There are years of research that prove spanking is damaging to children and causes MORE behavioral issues. This isn't OPINION, this is fact.

      "Of the nearly 2,500 youngsters in the study, those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were much more likely to be aggressive by age 5."

      http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html

      http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/spanking/45304.html

      http://www.americanhumane.org/children/stop-child-abuse/fact-sheets/child-discipline.html

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    3. Matt, as a former high school teacher, yes, I've seen today's youth up close and personal. Guess what - those who have been treated with respect are those who are most respectful.

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    4. And Joe, I thought you were off to have a nice evening. Seems like you have a lot of time and energy to spend on a blog run by a screwed up hypocrite.

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    5. Pretty sure it has always been that way:
      “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.” - Socrates

      Well it is usually credited to Socrates, but may actually be from someone in 1907. (http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/01/misbehaving-children-in-ancient-times/ and http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=398104)

      Which still indicates that "bad" teenagers are nothing new.

      Also, in my experience, children learn by the example their parents and guardians set for them.

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    6. I agree with your first statement, lack of discipline is a serious problem. It would be wonderful if people would stop hitting and start really disciplining. But discipline takes time and effort and some parents do not want to make that effort. Much easier to just hit.

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  14. I totally agree and would argue that smacking a hand is never necessary, holding their hand back gently is just as effective without violence.
    However I know plenty of people who hit their dogs, its not exactly illegal. I think the abuse laws are similar to children?
    To me a hit/kick is the same whether to a child or a dog, and it generally means I dont want my family around you anymore...

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  15. For everyone who thinks hitting is a style of 'parenting' and is 'your choice' as a parent to decide how you discipline your child - why do you think hitting strangers or adults is considered assault? Why don't you try hitting your 16 yr old son and see how you like it when he hits you back? I mean if you FEEL he did something to deserve it, I'm sure he'd FEEL that hitting him was also a good reason to do it back to you. This is such a big fat DUH that I think anyone who doesn't at least LOOK at this and examine it critically, then you're stuck in a box and can't practice critical thinking skills. Hitting is a form of violence, PERIOD. Just because children are smaller than you doesn't make it alright. In fact it makes you the epitome of a god damn bully!!!

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  16. All of you who feel getting hit is acceptable because it's your child...I'd really love to see you get slapped across the face for being rude (which isn't a stretch from what it looks like) and see if you still think it's acceptable. And you call Zen Parenting a hypocrite. Good Lord.

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  17. I gave my daughter a little swat through her diaper every now and then when other methods didnt work. she is now 4 and has no ill effects from it. In fact I have not had to punish her in the last 2 years except taking a toy or 2 away for a while. She listens and is very respectful. The parents who live near me can't figure out why my 4yr old listens and is WAY more respectful than thier kids. Each child is different. One parent has done everything except spanking and none of it works. her kids are now 10 and 12 and are little monsters. they dont listen dont respect anybody or anything they do what they want including cuss yell at and pull pranks on disabled dying women. they scratch up ppls cars and do what ever they want... they dont care what the punishment is they can be grounded from everything for a month

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    1. Regardless of what you call it, hitting is hitting is hitting and this is what it does: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-me-in-we/201202/how-spanking-harms-the-brain

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    2. I don't spank and I am always getting compliments from friends and strangers about how wonderful and nice my kids are.

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