Thursday, August 22, 2013

I Refuse to Lie to My Son

Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, periods, erections, sex, death, why adults do the things they do...nada...I won't lie about any of it. I just won't. I'll admit, it'd be easier to sometimes. Explanations can be HARD. The truth can HURT. A little white lie, especially one he'd never know about, would be so EASY. But just when I get to thinking like that, I remind myself of what a slippery slope that is and what I'm setting myself up for in the future.

I want my son to be able to trust me. I want my son to respect me. One of the ways I can ensure these is to always be honest with him. I want to be able to assure him that I've never lied. I want him to never doubt me, because I've never given him reason. And I want to lead by example.

This doesn't mean I believe he'll never lie to me. I'm certain he will. But I'll continue to model, continue to do what I know is right, continue to set the example that was never set for me. If I tell one lie, just one tiny lie EVER, that will all go out the window. I will have lost all of it. He will never be able to implicitly trust me, he will always be able to justify lying, because I lied to him.

So, I won't do it. I refuse. I refuse to lie to my son.

14 comments:

  1. That's crap. So all kids were ruined by growing up being told there was a Santa? You think kids think their parents are liars for giving them something to believe in? Or hold on to? You're holier than now blogs are starting to deter me.

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  2. Right on! This is how I felt even before kids and now I feel it even more. You can tell your kids about Santa or the Easter Bunny or whatever but they are make-believe just like Cinderella. Thanks ZenP.

    Poster above.... Chill out! This post does not exude any "holier than thou" attitude. If you're turned off, just leave. By announcing your threat to stop following I'd argue you're the one with the "holier" attitude.

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    1. Exactly. We still read stories about Santa and such. He thinks they're as real or fake as he believes all other storybook characters to be. What he believes is up to him, but I will not lie.

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  3. My 11 year old recently 100 percent learned about santa, toothfairy etc... he had questions here and there and heard other kids say they weren't real but I decided to let him hold onto tje fun and excitment those characters bring as long as I could. When he finally knew, when I said yes they arent real I then asked how he felt about me lieing to him about them. Because I had read blogs and such like yours. He said he loved them, it was fun, magical, exciting and would definitely keep that going with his much younger brothers. He didn't feel betrayed or a sense of this made lieing okay. Its on a different scope and I remember santa etc...it was so fun and exciting. Much more than had it been just my parents.

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  4. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I think there's enough magic and wonder in the real world to share with my child that there's no need to undermine his trust by lying to him.

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    1. People are focused on their past. Santa was fun for me, so I must do it for mine. Isn't that a lot like, "I was spanked and I turned out just fine"? Not something I'm willing to risk.

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    2. I hadn't thought of that parallel, but it really is! I was also the big sister who "ruined" Santa for my little sister, and it's something she still remembers clearly (as do I, because I very much disliked that we were being lied to).

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  5. <3. I wasn't too keen to do Santa, Easter Bunny, etc., because I do all the work and I want my kids to know how much effort I put into making it fun/special & to make them happy. But the hubs wanted all of it, so we do it. (So much drama I won't even start) Blah. I will say that my big girl was terrified that "strangers" (Santa) could come in our house.

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    1. Aw, that's a sad fear for a kid to have. :(

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  6. I wanted it all, and I think I found a good middle ground. (Like you say, it works for me.) I wasn't about to lie to my son. But I believe there are all sorts of magic. As a pagan now, who grew up with lots of good memories from xmas, I didn't want to wreck it for my son by being too much the rationalist. We had stockings that were allegedly from Santa at my parents' house, but they included lottery tickets, and we all thanked my mom for the thought she put into some of the presents.

    I never brought up Santa myself, and when he asked I said Santa was a spirit - the spirit of xmas - Santa is part of the magic that makes many people feel good and want to share at xmas. I made it clear that Santa wasn't some guy, that it was more complicated than that. I said things I feel like I can stand behind. I wasn't ever sure about how it would work out, but I think I like how I handled it - truthful with a pinch of wonder and mystery.

    I have no patience with easter bunnies and tooth fairies. I gave him money for each tooth so he wouldn't be deprived by my honesty, though.

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  7. Very interesting concept. I love that your blog posts make me reconsider things that I thought were....what's the word.... god given, inherent...The word won't come to me! Essentially, those things that I thought were staples and would be non-negotiables in raising kids- you provide a great new perspective on those things! I appreciate your unique perspective.

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    1. As long as we're all cognizant of why we do what we do, I'm a happy woman! :)

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