Home Home About Zen Mama Contact

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

6 (or More) Reasons You Should Sleep Nekkid

This post is about a matter close to my heart and was specifically requested by one Ms. Jamie Lynn Grumet of I am Not the Babysitter, because she's a bit off.

Let's talk nekkid slumbering. Is there another way to sleep? Oh, sure, you could sleep in clothes of all types, be they underwear, snowsuits, or anything in between, but why??! How do you people MOVE with those cotton nooses choking every part of you as you turn over to your left side and they stay stuck to the sheets at your right? Think of the children! (Oh wait, wrong cause. Moving along.) Clothing, in general, pretty much blows anyway, but clothing whilst trying to snooze comfortably while maintaining my full range of motion is too much for me to take.

Here's why I sleep nekkid and you should, too:

1. On the serious tip, your vulva needs a breath! (Didn't know it took breaths, did you? Well, how do you think it burps all those potentially embarrassing times? See!) Being all stuffed up in your underwear (hmmm...I should write another post on why I think underwear are of the devil, too, and simply refuse to wear them), your vulva becomes a veritable green house for cooties. True story.

2. Cooler is better when it comes to sleeping. Sweating is only good if you're using your bed for other purposes - like tumbling or jumping. (Oh, I guess you could use it for sex, too. I've been cosleeping for so long, I almost forgot it could be used for sex.) Anyway, it's not healthy to sleep too hot. I saw that on a Roseanne episode once, so it must be true.

3. Easy access for a quick hump(you know, for those of you who don't have a child plastered to their side all night long). That is all.

4. There's never going to be a fire in the middle of the night like you worry there will be. Besides, even if there is, is being nekkid in front of your blazing home really your biggest problem? Don't let fear rule you, friends!

5. For reals, clothes choke! Picture it (Sicily, 1921): a young woman slips into her nightclothes and then between her sheets. She's tired, but has yet to find her sweet spot. She tries various positions - the bicyclist, the spread eagle, the fetus, the horizontal ha-cha-cha - and then, ack, ack, sputter, tug, can't breathe, clothes too tight, sweet fancy Francis somebody help! This could all be avoided if we all just sleep nekkid.

6. We're not Puritans. (Unless you are, in which case, stop reading my blog. Turn yourself around and get thee to some other, more appropriate-for-you blog, because this one could potentially make your eyes fall out of your head.) Love your body in all its nekkid splendor!

7. Skin-to-skin isn't just beneficial for babes.

8. It just feels good.

9. If you're reading this blog, aren't you, at least somewhat, anti-establishment? So, c'mon, society's not the boss of you! Clothes be damned. Don't be *gasp* mainstream.

The bottom line is this: sleeping nekkid is rad times infinity. That's all you need to know. Do it. The end.

P.S. No, strangely enough, I'm not fully nekkid while I type this. It's frosticular in here and I made a stupid bet with myself that I wouldn't turn the heater on all winter, so I'm in a robe, though most of my bits are out and proud anyway. You didn't make a bet. No, you didn't, so disrobe and dive into that cozy bed. Besides, I'm not even in bed, so don't judge me!

P.P.S. Yes, I get that you might be cold at night, too. Not the same. Throw an extra blanket on the bed, break free of your wardrobe shackles, and snuggle in for your nekkid nap! blankets > jammies (or, if you will, blankets rule, jammies drool)

P.P.P.S. The above blanket suggestion doesn't work in the summertime. In that case, be free! Free, I say! Be nekkid, draped in nothing more than an optional sheet, laying on a bed covered in nothing but a fitted sheet where you can make bed angels before you close your weary eyes.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Part of Parenting Nobody Wants to Think About and Everyone Should

When our son was born, one of our first priorities was to get all our legal affairs in order in case of our untimely deaths. Now, if you've followed my blog long enough, you might understandably assume this was simply because of my bout with PPD and anxiety, that I was being paranoid. Not so. This was always my plan. Even as a very young adult, I knew the importance of preparing as much as possible for what I hoped would never happen. I had a will then, though it was rudimentary at that time, so it was a natural transition to caring for those needs when I brought into the world another human for whom I was charged with caring and protecting in all cases.

We go to great lengths to ensure our children are cared for - we breastfeed, cosleep, protect them from slicing objects, babywear, babyproof, keep them rear-facing as long as possible, don't hurt them, keep them from those who would break their spirits, and so on. Of course we do. So, then, let me ask you: does this only extend as long as we live? Shouldn't we continue this in case of our accidental demise? My responsibilities to my son do not stop simply because my heart stops. I am his mother always, thus I will care for him always.

Without plans in place for our son, he would become a ward of the state until they find a guardian for him. Of course, they'll try to find a guardian who is also a close relative, but that doesn't mean that's what I want for him. I also don't want the state having a say in any of it even for a second. As if losing his parents wouldn't be traumatizing enough for him, he shouldn't also have to be in a state of limbo with strangers making decisions for him for even a second. Thus, we protected him from this potentially brutal fate. We chose a guardian, we chose a guardian in case that guardian is unable, we set up beneficiaries and contingencies - basically, we did as much as we possibly could to care for him in the case that we were no longer there to physically care for him ourselves.

Of course, to a great many, this seems morbid, too early, unreasonable, and paranoid. I disagree. Actually, I think the opposite is true. The rationale many use for not getting these affairs in order are almost always fear-based. They cannot imagine such a circumstance, it's too painful, too frightening to think about it, let alone do anything about it. They think, "I'm young. I have plenty of time before this comes up. I'll get to it someday. It's just too heartbreaking to think about. I don't have anyone in my life who could raise her as well as I can, so I just can't die." Sorry. You can. You can die. Accidents happen. Illnesses strike. Cars crash. It only takes an instant to change your child's life forever and to bury your head in the sand about that reality is to leave your child's care in the hands of, well, just about anyone else. Is that a risk you're willing to take with your child's life?

This doesn't have to be an expensive, suit-and-tie in a lawyer's dark office type of venture. You can take care of these items quite inexpensively, swiftly, and easily with the help of online legal services. Shoot, you can even make that a Christmas, Valentine's, birthday, Groundhog's Day gift to yourself or your partner, so you don't feel like you're reaching out of your budget so much. Then keep them in a fireproof safe or even in a plastic baggie in the freezer - somewhere safe. Distribute copies to those affected. Update as needed.

Don't wait. Don't be an ostrich. Be that mother bear I know you are - protect that babe fiercely no matter what. And here's hoping none of this is every needed by any of us.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Circumcision Due Diligence

Before any parent chooses to circumcise their son, they should do their due diligence and really know what they're about to inflict upon their perfect babe. To choose not to watch this, but circumcise anyway is to chose ignorance that will indelibly mar another human being, the human being for whom you have been charged with loving and protecting. If it's too painful to watch (with the sound on, because we must observe with all our senses), imagine how painful it is to endure.

So, without further ado, I give you a routine infant circumcision surgery:

Is there anyone out there who can watch this, listen to this, allow it to permeate your soul and still wish to do it to your most precious child? If there is, I do not wish to meet this black-hearted individual.