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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

6 (or More) Reasons You Should Sleep Nekkid

This post is about a matter close to my heart and was specifically requested by one Ms. Jamie Lynn Grumet of I am Not the Babysitter, because she's a bit off.

Let's talk nekkid slumbering. Is there another way to sleep? Oh, sure, you could sleep in clothes of all types, be they underwear, snowsuits, or anything in between, but why??! How do you people MOVE with those cotton nooses choking every part of you as you turn over to your left side and they stay stuck to the sheets at your right? Think of the children! (Oh wait, wrong cause. Moving along.) Clothing, in general, pretty much blows anyway, but clothing whilst trying to snooze comfortably while maintaining my full range of motion is too much for me to take.

Here's why I sleep nekkid and you should, too:

1. On the serious tip, your vulva needs a breath! (Didn't know it took breaths, did you? Well, how do you think it burps all those potentially embarrassing times? See!) Being all stuffed up in your underwear (hmmm...I should write another post on why I think underwear are of the devil, too, and simply refuse to wear them), your vulva becomes a veritable green house for cooties. True story.

2. Cooler is better when it comes to sleeping. Sweating is only good if you're using your bed for other purposes - like tumbling or jumping. (Oh, I guess you could use it for sex, too. I've been cosleeping for so long, I almost forgot it could be used for sex.) Anyway, it's not healthy to sleep too hot. I saw that on a Roseanne episode once, so it must be true.

3. Easy access for a quick hump(you know, for those of you who don't have a child plastered to their side all night long). That is all.

4. There's never going to be a fire in the middle of the night like you worry there will be. Besides, even if there is, is being nekkid in front of your blazing home really your biggest problem? Don't let fear rule you, friends!

5. For reals, clothes choke! Picture it (Sicily, 1921): a young woman slips into her nightclothes and then between her sheets. She's tired, but has yet to find her sweet spot. She tries various positions - the bicyclist, the spread eagle, the fetus, the horizontal ha-cha-cha - and then, ack, ack, sputter, tug, can't breathe, clothes too tight, sweet fancy Francis somebody help! This could all be avoided if we all just sleep nekkid.

6. We're not Puritans. (Unless you are, in which case, stop reading my blog. Turn yourself around and get thee to some other, more appropriate-for-you blog, because this one could potentially make your eyes fall out of your head.) Love your body in all its nekkid splendor!

7. Skin-to-skin isn't just beneficial for babes.

8. It just feels good.

9. If you're reading this blog, aren't you, at least somewhat, anti-establishment? So, c'mon, society's not the boss of you! Clothes be damned. Don't be *gasp* mainstream.

The bottom line is this: sleeping nekkid is rad times infinity. That's all you need to know. Do it. The end.

P.S. No, strangely enough, I'm not fully nekkid while I type this. It's frosticular in here and I made a stupid bet with myself that I wouldn't turn the heater on all winter, so I'm in a robe, though most of my bits are out and proud anyway. You didn't make a bet. No, you didn't, so disrobe and dive into that cozy bed. Besides, I'm not even in bed, so don't judge me!

P.P.S. Yes, I get that you might be cold at night, too. Not the same. Throw an extra blanket on the bed, break free of your wardrobe shackles, and snuggle in for your nekkid nap! blankets > jammies (or, if you will, blankets rule, jammies drool)

P.P.P.S. The above blanket suggestion doesn't work in the summertime. In that case, be free! Free, I say! Be nekkid, draped in nothing more than an optional sheet, laying on a bed covered in nothing but a fitted sheet where you can make bed angels before you close your weary eyes.

1 comment:

  1. works for me! i can't sleep in clothing---too restrictive.