Tuesday, February 25, 2014

30 Things Series #7: Dream Job

As part of my ongoing series 30 Things My Son Should Know About Me, I present to you my dream job.

I'm already doing it. When I was young, I always thought I'd work outside the home whether or not I needed to financially, because that's what "real" women did. WRONG. I had some ass-backwards ideas (probably still do, though I'm trying to become more aware every day). When I got a little older, I figured it was a pipe-dream to be able to stay home with my children and that I'd likely have to work for financial reasons. Now that I'm here, I realize that for me, you, and our family, me being home with you is what is best. So, we sold things, we gave up things, we altered our lives and I'm here. We're not wealthy. We have to do some pretty fancy footwork to pay every bill. We don't have a lot left over. I've started my own business to help supplement our income. It's hard.

And I love every last bit of it. I love that I get to see your shining face every morning and I don't have to rush it off to daycare. I love that I don't feel the guilt I KNOW I'd feel if I was away from you as you rolled over the first time, took your first step, said "Mama" at first, or just did any number of hilarious, wonderful, awe-inspiring things you do each and every day.

I loved teaching. Loved it. And I do miss it. I did not love it as much as I love you. I do not miss it more than I would miss you.

Let me be clear here, though I slightly resent feeling that I have to write this disclaimer on a post to my son, I do not think staying home is the "right" thing. Nor do I think it's "right" to work for pay. I think this is the right thing for us. Being here, with you, my phenomenal son, is being in my dream job. Thank you for giving me that gift. Thank you to your dada for helping make it a reality.

2 comments:

  1. I love this. I love all of these! I've been following along with what I call my Zen Digest I get in my email. I understand you so much on this one. I sometimes feel inadequate because it's always been my greatest passion to mother. Even as a teenager, my nickname among my peers was Mama--and it didn't bother me, lol. I feel, now, a sense of guilt. no...shame, for not doing more with my life, for not finishing my schooling, for getting married and starting our family before I was done with my degree. I'm just so content with what I'm doing--raising my children. It's what makes me crazy happy. If others don't see it that way, I guess that's their problem, not mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. <3 You are MORE than adequate, Crystal, you're amazing.

      Delete