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Friday, August 28, 2015

Book Review: Sex is a Funny Word

First things first: GET THIS BOOK.

Ok, now, let me back up a bit and tell you why.

Sex is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and YOU
covers the basics. By basics, I mean such crucial topics as:

- consent
- trust
- masturbation
- secret touch
- sex vs. gender
- respect
- and so much more!

What it doesn't cover is the mechanics of a penis entering an orifice or other forms of copulation. There is another book that came before this called What Makes a Baby? that covers reproduction and a book that will come after which is set to cover intercourse. Without even having to read them, I'm already recommending them. This book is so superb, I'm giving the authors a recommendation on any book they've ever written or will write just because of it.

There are precious few hard and fasts in this text. "There are many ways to be a boy or a girl. For most of us, words like boy and girl, or man and woman, feel okay, and they fit. For some of us, they don't." They then go on to discuss being called a boy, but feeling like a girl, vice-versa, feeling like neither or both, feeling unsure, and just being all right with who you are. Sweet fancy Francis, thank you for this book!

One of the only things they write about for which there is no bend is "secret touching." "Secret touching might feel good like helping touch or bad like hurting touch. It might feel strange or weird or scary, or it may just leave you with questions. But one way you can tell it's wrong is that the person doing it makes you keep it a secret." Me likey.

Everything is frank and direct, which is exactly what I like. "Some people use the term private parts to describe parts of the body that have to do with sex. Because any part of your body can be private, in this book we don't call them your private parts. We call them your middle parts, because they are in the middle part of your body. Just because we choose to keep our middle parts private and covered most of the time doesn't mean they are bad." No shame. You will find absolutely zero shame in this book. Hallelujah!

I could go on, gushing over the stellar quality of the words, message, tone, and graphics on each and every page, I could go on quoting all the fantastic excerpts, but I'd simply end up giving you the entirety of the book, which might peeve the authors ever-so-slightly, so I'll leave you, once again, with a link to the book HERE. Get it. Get it and encourage your library to get it, as well, because this book needs to be in every child's hands post haste.

If all of this isn't enough to convince you, just check out my 4-year-old son reading it to himself after I read it to him the first time and started the second round until my throat literally got sore from reading aloud so much in one sitting. If that isn't high praise, I don't know what is.

Got questions? Hit me.

Review: Baby Foot

A friend of mine posted pictures of herself going through the Baby Foot process and I immediately knew I just HAD to have it, do it, love it, roll around naked in it (ok, maybe not that last part, although.......). She was thoughtful enough to post "warnings" to those in her feed, in case they'd be too grossed out to look at her photos. I will do no such thing. If you read my blog or are my friend (hopefully, there's some overlap there, although, again.......), you already know I'm going to be nothing but honest and direct with my review and my experiences.

As such, let's get started. My Baby Foot arrived on Saturday via Amazon and I wasted no time in getting it on. The instructions are straightforward, the application is easy, and the bonus is that you get one hour of down time. Three-fer! The instructions mentioned that you might want to wear socks over the booties and I chose to do so, because the booties are fairly loose themselves and I wanted all the goodness making as much contact with my skin as possible, so socks went on, too, and the fit was much more snug. I waited my hour, I washed my feet with warm water and soap, then I waited. Given my level of patience, the waiting part was the hardest by far. I pestered my friends (I later found that a second friend is currently in the process just about 6 days ahead of me) shamelessly about how much longer I needed to wait to start seeing results and then whined like a newborn puppy when it wasn't happening NOW.

Well, the day I've been waiting for has finally arrived! It's day 5 of the process and day 1 of the peeling. Here's what I'm looking at:

After this: nada. All progress halted. A week and a half later, I did another treatment, because I simply refuse to be the ONE rare case that showed no effects. I need my peels, damn it!

Second treatment: still nothing.  What. the. hell?  Now, I was both pissed and resolved.

I ordered two more boxes. I WILL PEEL. Seriously, at this point, I was bordering on obsessed. It wasn't healthy. I know.

Treatment number three: rousing success! Huzzah! This time, I not only soaked my feet for the hour a day they suggest, rather I put a pot of water down in front of the couch and every time I sat, I soaked. Every. single. day. For, like, five days in a row. And POOF! Peel they did! Finally! And it was glorious. Glorious, I say! It was every disgustingly satisfying pimple popping, cyst-bursting, skin peeling video I've ever watched all on my own two tootsies. Oh, Mama!

Then, I couldn't stop. The first (well, third) try was so good, I had to have more. MORE! So, I did my fourth treatment another two weeks after that. MORE PEELING! MORE SATISFACTION! MORE GROSS-FACTOR!!!

I've stopped...for now. I'm not going to show you the picture of my smooth feet. A) They're just feet and it's hard to see how smooth they feel, so it'll have to suffice to say that they are smoother than my son's feet. I cannot stop feeling them. It's like that feeling the day after you get a wax or when you first get your braces off. You know the feeling. So good. B) Nobody really wants to see the smooth result anyway, right? You really just wanted to see the peely-grody-ick shots. I'm onto you. You're so gross.

Final word: GET BABY FOOT! Get it, use it, try to have a healthier relationship with it than I have. (I'm off to order my next box. Oh, shush.)

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Review: Maple Holistics Conditioner and Lip Balm

You know one of my biggest principles on this blog and in my life is honesty, so I'll be no less than brutally honest about these products from Maple Holistics.

Let me start with the Argan Oil Conditioner.  Overall, I'd rate it a 7 out of 10.  There are so many factors outside of the control of Maple Holistics, though, that go into this rating.  My hair is uber-thick, curly, and dry.  There are two conditioners I've ever truly loved and I have tried a LOT in my quest to tame my mane.  Given my hair, I need conditioner that forms "stiff peaks" when squeezed into my hand.  This conditioner formed "soft peaks," which puts it leaps and bounds above the other "raw egg, no peaks" brands I've had the misfortune of trying.  I truly believe that without hair like mine, hair that has led to the nickname "Mu" (short for Mufasa) being bestowed upon me, you'll enjoy the product.  So, bad news: not so perfect for my hair.  Good news: totally worth a shot for yours.

Now, the lip balm is a whole other Oprah.  This stuff makes me want to buy stock in the company.  It makes me want to slather over my whole body and run through the rain naked while clicking my heels.  From the moment I tried it, I was in love.  It has the perfect glide-stick ratio.  It's not too glossy, not too waxy.  And the scent is heavenly.  It's lasting power is perfection and it doesn't make for icky kisses, which brings me to my next point.  My 4-year-old son has also fallen in love.  "Mama, you like to share with me" is what he says right before he's about to steal it.  I accidentally made the mistake of letting my mom try it and she almost confiscated, too.  We all need the Acai Berry Natural Lip Balm.  All of us!  NEEEEED!  I thought I lost it on vacation last week and I almost wept.  I almost don't want to write about it, because I fear that I'll try to order some and it'll be sold out.  (That's giving my blog a WHOLE lot of undue credit for readership, though, so I think I'll be safe.)  Get this.  Seriously.  Get it.  You're welcome.